Perspective

I don’t know if it was anything that the founding fathers actually intended to establish, but the United States is the most schizophrenic country in the world. And believe me, in the world we live in today, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Every four years we have the ability to completely change face, alter our collective personality and start over. Even if you hate George W. Bush with every fiber of your being, you’ve got to admit that it is very handy to be a planetary pit bull when the fight is on, then, with one simple vote, POOF! We’re as cuddly as a kitten.

When I was growing up, I loved to play games. When the weather was nice, we played stickball, football and basketball, and when it wasn’t we played every board game available. The game didn’t matter, it was more about the spirit of friendly competition that flowed through myself and my friends. 

It doesn’t matter if you believe in God. It doesn’t matter if you believe in a virgin birth. And it doesn’t even matter if you believe in a jolly fat man with a distinguished red suit. The true nature of Christmas is a gift for everyone. It can’t be earned, it can’t be bought, and it certainly can’t be legislated in or out of the human spirit. Put aside the annual discussion on whether or not cities should put up nativity scenes. Take a break from bickering over what songs are okay to sing in public schools. And, don’t bother to question the connotations of saying “Merry Christmas” as opposed to “Happy Holidays”. It’s just not worth the trouble.

Wow. It’s been so long since this whole election process started that I hardly know what to do with myself now that it’s over. Now that we no longer have to sort through tons of political junk mail, now that our phones have stopped being assaulted with automated messages, and now that the focus of the entire nation is no longer on our state, now what do we do? Well, just like after every other general election, we get back to taking care of ourselves, resigned in the knowledge that we’re not likely to see or hear from any of those politicians until the next election cycle...

With the election now only days away, I have only one request. Regardless of your voting history or your political leanings, I ask that you prepare yourself properly for this most important civic duty. With the current status of the economy and the fragile nature of world governments, now is not the time to leave your vote up to the same type of decision making process usually reserved for picking reading material in the checkout line at the grocery store. On many of the ballots, there are more than twenty choices (not counting uncontested candidates), all of which will, like it or not, affect your life and livelihood. And I feel inclined to point out that, unlike high school, you can take notes into the voting booth. In fact, I personally recommend a full-fledged cheat sheet...

No, I am not getting into the business of editorial review; I’m just testing out a theory. Before I get started, let me ask you something: How many of you are reading this simply because of the title? Be honest. Thank you. You just proved the point. When it comes to advertising, sex sells, but when you get into the business of news, the time honored tradition is…“If it bleeds, it leads.” And if you think you’re above it, ask yourself whether you would have continued reading if the title was “Not my best effort, but still worth a glimpse”? Yeah, I thought so...

So, how long did it take you to get that all-important, resume-saving experience? If you’re a recent graduate, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Did you ever sit through a job interview virtually begging the person to give you a chance to prove yourself? Yeah...me neither...

So, let me get this straight: two multi-millionaires are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in advertising to try to convince us that they’re in touch with the middle class. Wonderful. Talk about a catch-22. If a candidate is wealthy, they are accused of having no sense of what middle class America is dealing with, but if a candidate isn’t wealthy, then the chances of them making it in national politics is virtually non-existent...

To Mr. Joseph Calabrese,

 

While I appreciate your openness in holding public hearings, I remain unimpressed with what I saw at the event held in Rocky River. Not because I’m opposed to rate increases, or because I insist on the continuation of any specific route or service; instead, my misgivings are due to the lack of trust in the leadership that was on display that Monday night...

Guys, do you remember the first time you tried to talk to a girl? I don’t know if it’s the same for girls, but I have a theory. Looking back, I believe that the odds of your words coming out exactly as you wanted them were directly proportional to your age and indirectly proportional to the cuteness of the target of your potential conversation. To put it simply, if you were young enough, and she had the kind of smile that knocked you loopy, even if all you wanted to say was, “Will you go out with me?” the only thing that came out of your mouth was a few unintelligible grunts...

Maybe it’s a good thing that the Olympic games are starting soon. Even if they are held on the other side of the world, I think it’s as good a time as any to remind this nation of the spectacular feats of strength, speed, and sport that can be accomplished when talent is combined with hard work and perseverance. But more than just being a welcome distraction for sports fans, I’m hoping that the entire nation takes note of these individual stories of trial and success...

Okay, I know, summer just started, but since I’m not suited for the really hot weather of July and August, I was more than happy to take a week off in late June for a little rest and relaxation. Admittedly, if we had the free time and a little more money in our savings account, we might have planned a little more than we did, but for now, I’d say we absolutely got our money’s worth...

The big question is: How would I feel about voting for a third party candidate? A lot of people suggest that voting for someone like Bob Barr is essentially throwing my vote away, since he stands little chance of winning. Others say that I would be splitting the vote, which only helps the Democrat win (I guess they’re assuming that I would have voted for McCain otherwise). But when it’s all said and done, how do I not vote for the candidate I would most like to see running the country, regardless of party affiliation or his overall odds of winning?

So, proposing an energy plan is easy (well, at least for those of us not in Congress), but the next thing I’d like to see our government do is a little more intrusive.

 

I know I’ve complained about this already, but I’m convinced that the United States tax code exists solely for the purpose of creating millions of jobs in the accounting industry. I’m guessing that once you pass the test to become a CPA, there’s actually an oath you have to take that makes you swear not to reveal the fact that there is no real logic or reason involved in the method for which ordinary citizens pay the price of public services. After all, once the masses figure out that it is only confusing for the sake of being confusing, then the jig is up...

Okay, I’m not the unibomber, and this isn’t exactly going to be some deep, thought provoking manifesto that will solve all of the world’s ills. But I think I’ve given more than enough time to the things that frustrate me, so perhaps it’s time to spend a little ink going into what I’d do to solve them...

Here’s a little math problem: Train A leaves its station in New York heading west for Denver, Colorado. Shortly thereafter, Train B leaves a station in Chicago, also heading for Denver. Train A has 144 cars and travels at 70 miles per hour; Train B has 163 cars but only travels at 65 miles per hour. If both trains are scheduled to arrive in Denver at the exact same time, will either train survive the impending collision, and if so, will either have the ability to continue on the single track that heads toward Washington, D.C.?

Welcome to the most feared day of the calendar year for many Americans: Tax Day. The day of reckoning...

I don’t know how things are for you, but where I work there is a very comprehensive annual employee review process. In the normal work world, it seems, there is still a premium placed on actual results. And, employers still require that you meet your personal, departmental, and corporate goals. This is yet one more major area where the political world differs from the work world. If you went to your boss and used some of the same tactics and terminology used by just about every political candidate, you might last a little while, but eventually, the bottom-line nature of corporate America would catch up to you...

For those who didn’t read my submission in the previous issue (and shame on you for that), I’m having more than a little trouble figuring out who I’ll be voting for in the fall. Thankfully, declaring my status as an “Independent” meant that I only had one circle to fill in on Super Tuesday II, and it did not have a person’s name attached to it...

I’m going to let you in on a trade secret. The very nature of writing for this paper means that I have to be a little bit psychic. You see, while you’re reading this article today (and by “today” I mean at least March 4th), I’m actually writing this article almost two weeks ago (February 22nd). To have my article published properly, the volunteer army of editors, designers, and printers need to have it submitted about a week and a half in advance of the date of print...

Here we go again. Perhaps it’s only a sad indication as to what Columbus really thinks of us, that we’re once again discussing a proposal for state-run gambling. Our government has got to either think we’re stupid enough not to remember Issue 3, or that we’re lazy enough not to care. Either way, I’m not impressed...

While I still don’t consider myself old, I think I can accurately say that I’ve been around the block a few times. I’ve seen and done things, and I’ve racked up more than a little life experience. Some good, some bad, and more than a bit of it questionably grey. That’s why I was more than a little skeptical when the government announced its economic stimulus solution a couple of weeks ago...

So, I was at Thistledown racetrack with a few friends last year, and we were sitting outside on the benches just off the rail. As the horses rounded the final turn and headed for the wire, the crowd started to pour out with enthusiasm...

Let’s get something straight, right at the outset. I prefer the term “Jesus Freak”, not “Bible Thumper”, “Holy Roller”, or even “Religious Fanatic”. “Jesus Freak” is just fine...

While I’ve only just recently started paying close attention to presidential campaign issues and debates, I think I’ve already come across the single most frightening term used by a candidate...

With apologies to Edgar Allen Poe, and real poets everywhere, I thought the classic could use a little updating. Happy Halloween.

Ten years ago when President Clinton’s behavior in the White House was making headlines, William Bennet wrote a book, “The Death of Outrage,” asserting that Americans had lost the capacity to be morally furious.

I’ve taken a lot of flack since I started writing for this paper. I’ve had people tell me that I’m wrong. I’ve had people tell me that I’m misinformed. I’ve had people tell me that I don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Perhaps it’s fate that this article marks my first full year of putting myself and my thoughts out there for everyone to judge, because for the first time, I think it may finally be time to start anew and admit that I might have been wrong, or at the very least, that I’ve had a change of heart.

I’m proud to announce the creation of the greatest thing since stale bread.

I was wondering when it was going to happen. Maybe I’m spending way too much time watching the evening news, but lately, I’ve found that I’m almost too bitter to actually write. There’s lots of topics out there that pique my interest, but the trouble is that most of them do little more than focus on the worst in people, and quite frankly that type of thing disgusts me so much that I don’t even know where to start.

I’ll admit it; I spend entirely too much time watching television. But in my defense, the virtual explosion of both technology and selection has created a source of entertainment that is simply unmatched in today’s world. I’m hooked. Cable TV is my personal drug of choice. The first sign that I might have a problem came with the realization that one of my favorite shows is little more than a stationary camera broadcasting Hi-Def bliss from some isolated corner of the world. The showSunrise Earth can easily be considered as the flag-bearer of a cable system that I think can honestly deliver something for everyone at any given time.

I’m a big fan of college sports. And no, ever since my brother played football for Northwestern University, I haven’t been much of an Ohio State fan. While I casually pull for many different schools and teams, as my friends will tell you, my two favorite are my alma matter, the University of Dayton, and whoever is playing Notre Dame. However, given the recent events at the University of South Carolina, I may just have to add one more team to my list of favorites.

I really didn’t want to do this, however, with the politicians ramping-up their campaigns, I definitely want to say my piece before the Hollywood “B-listers” once again undertake their verbal assault on my answering machine.

Does anyone over the age of ten actually look forward to checking their mailbox anymore? I’m not talking about your e-mail mailbox, I’m talking about the actual box in front of your house that, unless you are unusually lucky, contains only two types of items: bills and bulk advertising.

I’m man enough to admit that I like a good, cheesy movie. If it’s wholesome, lighthearted, and has a happy ending, I’m pretty much hooked. Given that, it shouldn’t surprise you that I watch the movie “Dave” every time it is on television. If you’re unfamiliar with the film, it stars Kevin Kline as a happy-go-lucky temp agent who just happens to look exactly like the President of the United States. Through a twist of fate, the title character actually becomes president, if only as an unwitting accomplice to a much more diabolical plan.

I’m not an expert in physics, chemistry, or biology. I don’t have a doctorate in climatology, paleontology, ornithology, or even scientology. That said, I can tell you honestly that I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, but probably not independently. I believe the United States Government keeps many secrets, but an alien crash site isn’t one of them. I believe the moon landings were real, but Walter Cronkite’s hair wasn’t. I’m a skeptic, a critical thinker, and a person who will never cease to question authority. However, quite frankly, I’m baffled by what I encountered in Sinagra Park when coming home from work awhile back.

With high school graduation ceremonies right around the corner, I offer my sincere congratulations to the class of 2007. Although I don’t want to take anything away from your impending celebration, I feel obligated to offer a few pieces of advice. With high school behind you, you might think that it’s time to relax, but guess again. The second that diploma hits your hands you are officially on the clock and in the driver’s seat.

I’m here for one simple reason: to put forth my own opinion. If my personal point of view at all matches yours, consider it coincidence, not the result of any personal attempt on my part at mainstream acceptance (I gave up any attempt to be “popular” back in junior high school). That’s not to say that I don’t welcome your feedback or won’t accept your criticism. But, let’s get one thing straight: I don’t take requests. So, don’t ask me to champion your cause. And, if you want an article written on a specific subject, write it your darn self!

Suffice it to say, for the United States of America, April 2007 was not exactly the bright, shiny, feel-good spring month that everyone needed and expected. However, like most periods of tragedy, there is a time for mourning and a time for healing, and, then, it’s time to move on. For some, the period of sadness, loss, and even anger will continue for quite some time. For the rest of us, for those that can, it’s time to reflect and, if needed, act.

I won’t go into all of the details, but I was unexpectedly faced with the need to contemplate my career path last week. And, while I don’t think anyone still expects to get that gold watch after holding the same job for the same company for their entire career, I wonder if people put as much thought into their jobs as they should.

Spring is in the air. The birds are chirping, the flowers are springing to life, and the paint on my front porch is really starting to peel. As the cold recedes, my wife will spend countless hours spreading grass seed that the birds will eat, planting bulbs that the squirrels will dig up, and generally touching up the “curb appeal” of our old Victorian home.

I didn’t want to do this. I had a nice little article all planned out (a dash of political rhetoric, a handful of sarcasm), but then it happened. I opened up the local news website to find the City of Lakewood smack dab in the middle of yet another controversial lawsuit.

The parents of a child who has been bullied are suing the school district.

Just as the swallows return to Capistrano, and the buzzards to Hinckley, so too are we blessed with the annual tradition of the Friday Fish Fry returning to Lakewood. Drive down Madison and Detroit and you’ll see what I mean. With such a dominant presence of Bar and Church within our city limits, you’re never more than six days and six blocks away from a batter-dipped blending of faith and food.

Okay, the Super Bowl is over, Opening Day for baseball is still weeks away, and the NBA and NHL seasons are at that mark where the games just don’t seem to count for much. This is the closest us couch potatoes get to an “off-season.” But, beware wives everywhere. I know it might seem like a good thing to have a little non-sports time with the hubby, but the lack of athletic stimulation can do funny things to a man. Without a specific sporting event to capture my attention, I find my mind wandering towards a multitude of other issues.

Detroit Road is never quieter than at five o’clock in the morning. With a light snow falling, illuminated by the bright and colorful signs of half a dozen Lakewood businesses, it’s strangely peaceful.

If the statistics are correct, then, by the time you’re reading this, you’re halfway through a bowl of ice cream wondering what happened to your vow to lose weight. You’ve only gotten four pages into that great American novel you swore you’d read. And, there’s still a pile of wood where you promised your wife a handmade bookshelf using your brand-new power tools.

Dennis Kucinich has decided to run for President once again. Big surprise. But, what might come as an even bigger surprise is that I welcome his desire for a bigger and broader stage. In fact, if someone will please stand by with smelling salts for Gordon Brumm, I’d like to make the following announcement: “I, Bret Callentine, do officially endorse the candidacy of Dennis J. Kucinich…just not for the office of President.”

As a general rule, I am of the belief that sequels are a bad idea (with Star Wars being the exception that proves the rule). However, having just submitted my article that points to the problems of quoting sources, I happened across several different news commentaries that I felt called for a quick case study.

I like to read. And, when I say, “I like to read,” I mean that I like to read to the extent that I prefer taking the Red Line Rapid to work for no other reason than that it gives me more time to delve into a good book. And, while I do read for entertainment, lately I prefer to read for the sake of knowledge and information.